[She chuckles under her breath. She might tell him one day of how Cloud had been pretty when he was dressed up after the Honey Bee Inn. But it really wasn't about finding him a romance. She never even thought. This was more...to bring him all centered. Relax him even, if that was possible with someone being around.
Even if that someone was her.
Though his hair was still mildly damp, it does seem to be easy to brush. But she pauses in her detangling in order to come around and refill his glass of wine. ]
Here you go.
[She offers it to him. Once it's taken, she'll go back to the snags and waves.]
[ Yes, Aerith. Tell Vincent the comparison she's trying to make for pretty people was the same as that time Cloud got dolled up in drag. He might then have some concerns about what plans she has for him. The former Turk sighs. Of course his protest wasn't the point. The banter however is going to help.
So is that wine, which he takes when she brings it over and has a sip before she's settled in to begin again. Never fear, the process will not interfere with his ability to take the occasional drink and he has quite the high pain tolerance besides. There's still tension in his shoulders; something far more easily read without the added layer of red over his clothes.
There is always the common risk that time with Vincent Valentine would be subject to long moments of absolute silence. Where people can tell him stories he can react to works out just fine. If it's business, he can talk quite a bit. But times like this are when he's out of his element. For a few long moments he struggles to find something to say just for the sake of saying something. ]
...Did you manage to get some sleep?
[ It's... not really small talk. There he goes, caring again. ]
[Thankfully, she did not have to sneak Vincent anywhere in a dress. Nor was there a reason to dress him up. To even dress him down even...though she was sure he'd be comfortable in sweatpants and a hoodie, given the chance.
Aerith's hands are gentle, and gentler still around the few snags he has. The waves of his hair she thinks might be due to the headband.
But the tension in hid shoulders...maybe this was too much? She wasn't sure.
The topic choice does make her huff though and she offers his shoulder the gentlest of pushes.]
Yes, I did. It's getting easier. Hakkai and Ulla were very helpful.
I was wondering how you've been sleeping. I doubt you stayed here the whole time.
[Meaning he also saw thinks that hid in the dark.]
[ Would he wear comfy lounging clothes? Yes. Would he allow himself to be caught in them? DUBIOUS.
The waves are almost certainly because of the wrap as the comb does bring back a natural tendency to straight locks as the work progresses. Whatever else can be said about the man's grooming habits, they have not done any real harm to the thick mane.
Aerith might even note how he occasionally lifts a hand, intending to comb the long bangs back out of his face before remembering someone's actually working on it. ]
Good.
[ He's going to absolutely ignore the slight shove to his shoulder but stills, this time arresting the motion of bringing the glass of wine to his lips again. Silence. ]
No, I didn't.
[ In fact the times he found his room, particularly after the Otherworld fully descended on the Barge, were only very short visits to wash off the worst of the grime, restock on bullets and get back out to work. But it's not really about how much work he put in. It's what he had to confront.
She's behind him. But still without the cloak's high collar there's more of his face to see or glimpse if she's a mind to. The way his jaw might clench as he thinks of how to answer; there's no real good one here if he wants to be honest. And it's probably not worth it to lie. ]
Same as ever. [ Quietly spoken. A forced dry tone. ] Hmph. It's been a long time since I slept without nightmares to haunt me. Nothing that place could do about that.
[ And it's true in its horrible way. The Otherworld had created elements of his trauma, sure. But what nightmares could it have created that would have matched ones he'd endured for three decades? Well, that's certainly terrible enough to think about.
He finishes the glass of wine and absently twists it in his fingers, looking thoughtful. ]
The worst it could do is expose what I am to others.
[ He almost sounds amused. After all, how out of place was he on the Barge, really? ]
[ Please, why limit him to being caught dead in bunny slippers when there is a perfectly good chocobo themed set somewhere out there in the multiverse? ]
That's not what I meant. I know who I am. What I've been and how I choose to be.
[ It's almost a bit dry at that. One has to accept what sort of person they are- or are capable of being- if they were ever once a member of the Turks. The skills that go with it are certain to never cause him to be a burden in the traditional sense. ]
There were people who saw my other form. Couldn't be helped. And it was going to happen eventually, I suppose.
[ The meaning had come after silence where Vincent had offered a moment's... empathy. Things about Aerith she didn't want to have revealed. Of course he wants to ask and despite her fingers in his hair, he turns his head enough to try and look up toward her. But first, he offers what of his was exposed. Not a nightmare or a burden.
Monster. Something many may just brush off as being a facet of the Otherworld. Others might guess or know what they saw. ]
[She thinks he'd look quite dashing in a chocobo onesie! With soft lil chocobo claws on his feet. That'll have to be a gift for him, someday.
But there he went. Yes, one thing to show that he had a monstrous form- wasn't that true of the vampires here and others? If he wanted to play that card, it could be mistaken as a monster of guilt.
She didn't have any fear of that form. Just a reasonable caution, since Vincent was...Vincent. He knew his limits better than anyone. He was a Turk, and...other things.
When he looked at her, she tilted her face down. A hand did go to his shoulder- not to comfort, but just...to have it there.]
Hilbert knows a little now. I showed him. I was angry.
[Not told. Showed. There's a difference.]
And most people still don't know I'm dead. Just that... lab-coated monsters liked pinning me to the wall.
Guess I'm lucky. I don't have a clear picture of the people I killed with Holy.
[ It was not the act of showing that would have troubled Vincent. Whatever downsides came with that part of him, there were a lot of benefits. His body was a 'mixed blessing' as he once told Nanaki. And as he said, it was probably only a matter of time even in a place like the Barge.
Which goes to show he wasn't completely free from the traumas the Otherworld was capable of inflicting. Of course he wasn't. 'There wasn't much' doesn't mean there was nothing at all. A deeply private person, of course Vincent would be bothered that it was not a time or place of his choosing to reveal it.
But the nightmares are still bad, his body has the genes of monsters. He's still human enough to be left aching from old memories, even those which have gained some form of closure.
He's just... practiced at it. One might say normalized. And it's enough in some ways to be in the company of someone who has long accepted that as part of the whole him. ]
You were angry at Hilbert?
[ That did seem to come as a surprise. But he had not looked deeply into the man's past actions, only focused on what was related to an incident shortly before he came. What would have made Aerith so angry? And was the doctor simply in the wrong place at the right time or was it more? Showed. Vincent's lips are drawn downward with a frown of concern.
And this only deepens as she speaks a hint of what she endured. He lifts a hand up and covers hers. There had been a shadowy figure in the heart of his trauma, ready and waiting to turn more victims into the gibbering horde of 'chimera' that would swarm Vincent and force him to expose the monstrous side. But whether one or many labcoats, Vincent can empathize with this particular anguish. Just as so many of them could. Cloud and Nanaki and... likely even Sephiroth. ]
I won't say something stupid. Like you had nothing to do with the death of those people. Cry for them. Remember them.
[ It is true that a host of other factors were the true cause, like Sephiroth's efforts to block Holy until the very last moment or even the cursed memories that came with the Lifestream, again through that madman's actions having far more to do with so many people losing their lives. That won't change the simple fact that a lot of people lost their lives in general through the course of action every one of them took. Aerith's summoning of Holy included.
That is the real wages of saving the world. The burden of all that. ]
But never forget the lives you saved as well. There's a lot of people living because of what you did. A lot of people... found the will to live and survive. Because you summoned Holy.
[They were both surprisingly private people. They had thay in common. The difference was, amusing enough, that Vincent was practical and pragmatic in having his monster parts out on display.
Aerith was completely wild shy about declaring what she was. Some days, she wasn't even sure what it meant, being a cetra in this ship.]
He's a former Inmate Vincent. He experimented on people before. Hilbert isn't even his only name. He's a doctor but also a scientist.
But...I'm willing to give him a chance. Showing him- that was also a test.
[A fairly high risk one but one nonetheless. She gave his hand a gentle squeeze, even as she offered a gentle shuddery sigh.]
I'll try. I'll try to remember.
[Cloud was alive because of Holy. So was Vincent. Tifa, Yuffie and Nanaki...all life would be gone if Holy had not been unleashed.]
[ The brief stillness to Vincent suggests the troubled emotion that this revelation gleans from the man. His eyes narrow. It probably wasn't entirely a surprise that Hilbert was a former inmate. But the suggestion of what likely landed him that status when he first arrived...
Vincent may be able to deal with being in the infirmary. But that doesn't mean he is completely immune from... memories. But there is more to it than that. A rise of guilt over information he had missed. ]
Hm. Looks like I'll have to look more carefully at the infirmary staff. How did he react?
[ Yeah, soon after this Hilbert will announce his departure from the Barge. But now Vincent has reason to look a little harder and deeper at the others who have accepted a role in the medical sector.
He didn't mean to sound indifferent, yet his words seemed to come out almost so. And as if in belated realization, his eyes shift away again, letting him face forward. ]
...Sorry.
[ There'll be time to answer the question though if Aerith chooses to; the apology seems to suggest if she doesn't want to she doesn't have to. But when they move on and speak of Holy, the gunman only nods. ]
Upset at what I showed him. Curious, but willing to keep it to himself.
[She offered a gentle shrug.]
There weren't any of the liars tells. If I thought he was a serious threat to the infirmary, I would have told you as soon as we parted ways.
If I learn more, I'll tell you. Same with any of the other workers.
[They're friends after all, and she doesn't want Vincent in undue danger. Sure he can take care of himself, but he needs some time to do paperwork.
Thankfully with Hilbert leaving some issues are put aside. But there is still a lack of trust now thay she's instilled in Vincent. Or at least brought to the surface.
Pity, but at least it was in a harmless discovery, all things considered.
And she shook her head, giving his shoulder a gentle squeeze.]
It's okay. I get it.
And...we will. We could...if we wanted, make a memorial.
But...I'd rather make it a living thing if we do.
[Something in the chapel. Or the Greenhouse. Something to remember the living and those that were gone.]
[ The good or bad. The new, the unknown, the search for answers. Those are what drew them in. Vincent knew it well and not just because of three decades past; he'd grown up coming to terms with those traits for better or worse.
Aerith's assurance of passing the word is given a brief nod. He trusts her evaluation of the encounter with Hilbert and that she could recognize the more dangerous signs just as well as he. And thus he is left with little excuse to avoid more paperwork.
Sigh. ]
Mm.
[ Forgiveness acknowledged. But the shoulder is still covered by his own hand and he seems surprised to realize it was still there when she offered the reassuring squeeze. Once she releases again, he'll slowly withdraw his hand... well, kind of slowly. It is a bit abrupt and almost awkward, along with a brief stint of staring at it before letting it drop to his lap. ]
...Sure.
[ It's not at all a bad idea. And Vincent's agreement is not about the memorial as it is about the we Aerith put forward. ]
Something living. [ There is a second where his head tilts a little to regard the succulent she had helped pick out for him. Just sitting there, living its best life near the curtained window. During the day he must open it a crack to make sure it gets adequate sun. Or what passes for sun coming through those panes. Anyway, a living memorial. It really was far superior to have, wasn't it? ]
...I suppose it wouldn't hurt to ask the others.
[ What sort of living thing would work best for the memorial of their world? Though that does leave a troubling complication. Vincent does not yet speak it, but surely by 'the others' there would possibly be one exception.
In the form of the individual who sought the world's end. ]
Especially from something that's so alien from what he knows.
[She agrees with him but there was a bit of driness. Ah yes- she knows how far a scientist would go. And she was one of the lucky ones, all things considered. And she knows it. The proof of how nasty a scientist could be without morals is sitting right in front of her, hair tumbling over his shoulders. Which says nothing about the SOLIDERs that also come from their world. It may have helped too that she grew up around Turks. She would know some of the things that he would look for.
So no paperwork avoidance for him.
Or avoiding contact. Some of which he is still getting used to, after thirty years without. But at least Aerith was very gentle about it, not letting him get overwhelmed by the contact- gentle as it was. ]
We can include him, if he wants to join in.
[He did seem to be at least neutral about...doing some things. Well. Sort of. The memorial would be something...and she thought that it might be good for Sephiroth if he did have something in his room other than a big ol' graffiti on the wall. The cat was good.]
I won't force it. But...we've gotten off topic.
[She sees what you did Vincent. And she's now more worried about you then before. No need to divert and change the subject if things were okay.]
[ Ah the overwhelming world... people. He wanted, no needed constant respite from cities, crowds, people and how the world had moved on without him. Not that he blamed it for doing so, as it had been his decision to live- no, exist that way. First in sleep and then those moments when he kept his distance, never got too close.
Cloud and Aerith, everyone else, they'd wormed their way in by giving him space and the occasional pushes here and there. And presenting him with opportunities to learn the lesson he imparted to Reeve when the WRO fell to Deepground forces.
But they were his friends and still an exception because they had accepted what he could give. Even Yuffie, who realized that moment when he was the first to leave after Sephiroth's defeat, had understood she'd no right to stop him from doing so. Well, he was thankful for that too even if she probably wouldn't get him to admit it easily. ]
Mm.
[ Yeah, Vincent will not really express a strong opinion about including Sephiroth. He feels he's the least deserving to make a choice like that. And if Aerith of all people are suggesting to make a tentative offer... ]
Don't force yourself either.
[ Forcing Sephiroth was the farthest issue from his mind. Which Aerith is attempting to drag slowly back to what this all started out being. That which was not meant to be a venue to let Aerith speak of what occurred in those rusted halls and in the Fog. ]
Hrmph. Don't know about that.
[ Not off-topic per se Aerith. Just off-focus of the one the topic was targeted upon. And where was that? There's a pause before Vincent sighs. ]
I can deal with strangers knowing about my other form. I suppose you could say I'm annoyed at the circumstances.
[ Dry. Yes, being forced to reveal the beastial metamorphosis while people were already in trauma from living theirs and others' horrors. ]
But that's what the place was designed to do. Make someone uncomfortable whatever decision they made. If I didn't stay in that area, people could have been dragged away. Turned into monsters like... [ me. but also more specifically... ] Well, Cloud told you what Sephiroth found in Mt. Nibel's reactors.
[ Getting Vincent to talk does keep him still; at least it distracts him from the contact needed for Aerith to tend his hair. And that will let her read the tension that doesn't quite... fade. ]
The nightmares will be stronger for a while. But, they never really stopped. Not in three decades.
[ It's just that now, he actually stays awake for the hours of a normal person so he gets... breaks from them. ]
[People were exhausting. There was a lot of quiet and patience needed to help keep Vincent steady and he needed to recharge. Paperwork for all it was boring, was better then dealing with talking with strangers day in and day out. All of them demanding and wanting something.
And too, thirty years away from people wasn't something that could or would be forgotten.
As for the memorial...well.]
I won't. I won't push him either.
[She doubted he'd want to join in, but maybe she'd be surprised. She'd like that kind of surprise. Much better then the monsters coming out.
Like the chimera. Like Vincent's other form.]
Let's just hope people don't hassle you too much. They might not realize it was you. I saw a lot of...strange monsters.
[A creature rejected by God. A bleeding man. Lab coats. A saint of flames.
At least here she can gently tend to Vincent's hair, and see how smooth she can make it.
But the nightmares...]
You know...you're not the only one who can take on nightmare duty.
[He looked out for her. Strained himself for her with healing duty. It's the least she could offer.]
[ Honestly, split ends aside, the not-exactly-cheap shampoo has probably made this a lot less horrible than it could have been. That and not dealing with the 'Vincent wandering Gaia for a few days in the wilds before hitting a town' hair.
There might also be something spooky going on, who knows. But really, regular access to a shower has done some wonders. ]
Mm. If people ask. [ Recognize the connection between the two and try to circumvent coming to Vincent directly. ] You can tell them it's true.
[ He trusts that Aerith won't go into much detail and direct such people to ask him directly if they want to know more. Vincent does understand there could be a few people that would be hesitant to approach him without knowing what his reaction would be. This is understandable. ]
I...
[ Vincent grows very still until he's almost a statue. Only the tips of his fingers twitch and it seems he held a breath for there follows a slow exhale to draw in another. Remember to breathe.
He's uncomfortable. So much so there are visible signs of distress that soon follow, where his head shifts to the left, having all but forgotten the tending of his hair. It's far from the notion that he doesn't trust Aerith; to break a hold on his emotions so readily indeed suggests how relaxed he is in her company.
The discomfort comes from the thought of someone seeing him in such a vulnerable state. He could easily forget that there were many who might have in the three decades of near hibernation. He all but lived in a world of repeating nightmares then and it was a reality all its own. But here on the Barge he just sleeps. ]
That's...
[ He wants to use some practical reason. Long nightmares means to wake him every time he has them would be the same as getting no sleep at all. But it would be an excuse to keep her from seeing that and he knows it. ]
[Regular hair maintance wasn't so bad. It helped. And it was surprisingly soft, since he hadn't conditioned it or anything for 30 years. Maybe he's born with it, maybe it's chimera-ness. But most likely, it was self care.]
I will if they ask. I don't know if there's many people who connect us knowing each other. Not yet.
[Not that she had hidden it. But they are very different people. And it wouldn't surprise her if people thought Gaia and tragedy did not connect all of their group. But it is good to know Vincent trusts her not to spill everything.
But then, Aerith has always kept secrets well. And Vincent was...Vincent.
And this was Vincent too. An uncomfortable Vincent, but one nonetheless.]
I can't give you a cloak to sleep under. But I can ask Cloud for us to trade off for duty, if you allow us.
[She considers. Thinks on it.]
And I'll be there. If you want, I can hold your hand.
[ True that most people aren't aware but a lot of people did have a chance to see him proficiently using the same magic as Aerith does and standing in for her during naps. So there's a more evident connection than there used to be.
And maybe he'll get lucky and not have too many questions to answer even if they did bother Aerith first. Wouldn't that be something? ]
No, it's... [ an inhale, a sigh. ] You don't have to do this.
[ That's avoidance, Vincent. He turns his head to one side again, hope she wasn't trying to do anything with the comb at that time. Because watch as the sharp gesture pushes the long bangs forward to flow down the sides of his face. ]
I'm not... hrrrm.
[ And words are hard. But he's remembering it's also true that there were times he'd doze off in the company of the others he'd come to know as friends. As trust formed and some of his tension eased. Would he find his own room in town? Yeah but that also wasn't always possible. Not was it always a good idea to stray too far. If he said he wasn't comfortable with people being around while he was sleeping, it'd be obviously a lie. ]
Cloud, huh? [ It's muttered as a grumble. ] Trying to make this a slumber party?
[ Who else are you going to invite? Zack? Angeal? ]
[The security cloak and the staff usage would be the tip off. She doesn't give her staff to anyone after all. Leave it behind sure, but not offer it to anyone.]
I know. But I want to.
[It's a gentle nudge, and she moves with ease on brushing out his hair, letting it flow over her fingers.]
And only Cloud. You don't know or trust Angeal or Zack yet right?
[ Vincent has a favorable impression of Angeal, but it's true he's not to the level of trust that would make him comfortable with the trained SOLDIER in proximity. And Zack... well, he has only had a brief meeting with the young man and stories to go by. Which would be enough for him to allow Zack to come over and keep Aerith company if for some reason she needed his presence, but...
Yeah. Trust. He won't deny it. ]
All right.
[ It's clear he's still reluctant. He braced against the nudge, he's still stiff with tension, but... what's the harm in trying? Worse comes to worse, he can always state it isn't working. And his friends will listen to him. ]
...Done with my hair yet?
[ He probably doesn't mean to sound impatient. It's more that he's forgetting his words as he reaches his limits. ]
[ Look he's been through a lot in the last.... half hour or so? Hair care. Talk about feelings. Planning a slumber party. It's been a rough time. Thank goodness this sleepover isn't plotted out for right now. ]
...Oh.
[ That.... probably wasn't missed even if he said it quietly and is otherwise silent. Yeah. He had been bracing himself for everything all at once. ]
[ It's just a bit louder than the 'oh'. But sincerity colors his tone underneath the overall sense of relief that he can't help but feel.
Vincent settles in patiently to let Aerith finish. It may be borderline endures but both of them are probably aware of that. Near the end, it becomes clear that the former Turk had been using the time to reflect. Should this really help lessen the nightmares... ]
I don't need long. Not tonight or tomorrow. But after that.
[ So perhaps it'll be best to reach out to Cloud sooner than later. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
momijizukamori
no subject
Date: 2024-09-03 02:24 am (UTC)[She chuckles under her breath. She might tell him one day of how Cloud had been pretty when he was dressed up after the Honey Bee Inn. But it really wasn't about finding him a romance. She never even thought. This was more...to bring him all centered. Relax him even, if that was possible with someone being around.
Even if that someone was her.
Though his hair was still mildly damp, it does seem to be easy to brush. But she pauses in her detangling in order to come around and refill his glass of wine. ]
Here you go.
[She offers it to him. Once it's taken, she'll go back to the snags and waves.]
no subject
Date: 2024-09-03 04:27 am (UTC)So is that wine, which he takes when she brings it over and has a sip before she's settled in to begin again. Never fear, the process will not interfere with his ability to take the occasional drink and he has quite the high pain tolerance besides. There's still tension in his shoulders; something far more easily read without the added layer of red over his clothes.
There is always the common risk that time with Vincent Valentine would be subject to long moments of absolute silence. Where people can tell him stories he can react to works out just fine. If it's business, he can talk quite a bit. But times like this are when he's out of his element. For a few long moments he struggles to find something to say just for the sake of saying something. ]
...Did you manage to get some sleep?
[ It's... not really small talk. There he goes, caring again. ]
no subject
Date: 2024-09-03 05:17 am (UTC)Aerith's hands are gentle, and gentler still around the few snags he has. The waves of his hair she thinks might be due to the headband.
But the tension in hid shoulders...maybe this was too much? She wasn't sure.
The topic choice does make her huff though and she offers his shoulder the gentlest of pushes.]
Yes, I did. It's getting easier. Hakkai and Ulla were very helpful.
I was wondering how you've been sleeping. I doubt you stayed here the whole time.
[Meaning he also saw thinks that hid in the dark.]
no subject
Date: 2024-09-03 05:45 am (UTC)The waves are almost certainly because of the wrap as the comb does bring back a natural tendency to straight locks as the work progresses. Whatever else can be said about the man's grooming habits, they have not done any real harm to the thick mane.
Aerith might even note how he occasionally lifts a hand, intending to comb the long bangs back out of his face before remembering someone's actually working on it. ]
Good.
[ He's going to absolutely ignore the slight shove to his shoulder but stills, this time arresting the motion of bringing the glass of wine to his lips again. Silence. ]
No, I didn't.
[ In fact the times he found his room, particularly after the Otherworld fully descended on the Barge, were only very short visits to wash off the worst of the grime, restock on bullets and get back out to work. But it's not really about how much work he put in. It's what he had to confront.
She's behind him. But still without the cloak's high collar there's more of his face to see or glimpse if she's a mind to. The way his jaw might clench as he thinks of how to answer; there's no real good one here if he wants to be honest. And it's probably not worth it to lie. ]
Same as ever. [ Quietly spoken. A forced dry tone. ] Hmph. It's been a long time since I slept without nightmares to haunt me. Nothing that place could do about that.
[ And it's true in its horrible way. The Otherworld had created elements of his trauma, sure. But what nightmares could it have created that would have matched ones he'd endured for three decades? Well, that's certainly terrible enough to think about.
He finishes the glass of wine and absently twists it in his fingers, looking thoughtful. ]
The worst it could do is expose what I am to others.
[ He almost sounds amused. After all, how out of place was he on the Barge, really? ]
no subject
Date: 2024-09-03 01:49 pm (UTC)But it is smart of him. No attempt to lie would go well. She knew he was filled with regrets and nightmares.
She sighed, and having finished with the comb, she picked up the hairbrush.]
You make it sound as if you're a nightmare on a regular basis.
Or that you're a burden.
Neither which are true.
[Her fingers were gentle on his hair.]
Though...I know I took that risk too.
[Not a monster. But the other things she is.]
no subject
Date: 2024-09-03 09:49 pm (UTC)That's not what I meant. I know who I am. What I've been and how I choose to be.
[ It's almost a bit dry at that. One has to accept what sort of person they are- or are capable of being- if they were ever once a member of the Turks. The skills that go with it are certain to never cause him to be a burden in the traditional sense. ]
There were people who saw my other form. Couldn't be helped. And it was going to happen eventually, I suppose.
[ The meaning had come after silence where Vincent had offered a moment's... empathy. Things about Aerith she didn't want to have revealed. Of course he wants to ask and despite her fingers in his hair, he turns his head enough to try and look up toward her. But first, he offers what of his was exposed. Not a nightmare or a burden.
Monster. Something many may just brush off as being a facet of the Otherworld. Others might guess or know what they saw. ]
no subject
Date: 2024-09-04 01:02 am (UTC)But there he went. Yes, one thing to show that he had a monstrous form- wasn't that true of the vampires here and others? If he wanted to play that card, it could be mistaken as a monster of guilt.
She didn't have any fear of that form. Just a reasonable caution, since Vincent was...Vincent. He knew his limits better than anyone. He was a Turk, and...other things.
When he looked at her, she tilted her face down. A hand did go to his shoulder- not to comfort, but just...to have it there.]
Hilbert knows a little now. I showed him. I was angry.
[Not told. Showed. There's a difference.]
And most people still don't know I'm dead. Just that... lab-coated monsters liked pinning me to the wall.
Guess I'm lucky. I don't have a clear picture of the people I killed with Holy.
no subject
Date: 2024-09-04 05:56 am (UTC)Which goes to show he wasn't completely free from the traumas the Otherworld was capable of inflicting. Of course he wasn't. 'There wasn't much' doesn't mean there was nothing at all. A deeply private person, of course Vincent would be bothered that it was not a time or place of his choosing to reveal it.
But the nightmares are still bad, his body has the genes of monsters. He's still human enough to be left aching from old memories, even those which have gained some form of closure.
He's just... practiced at it. One might say normalized. And it's enough in some ways to be in the company of someone who has long accepted that as part of the whole him. ]
You were angry at Hilbert?
[ That did seem to come as a surprise. But he had not looked deeply into the man's past actions, only focused on what was related to an incident shortly before he came. What would have made Aerith so angry? And was the doctor simply in the wrong place at the right time or was it more? Showed. Vincent's lips are drawn downward with a frown of concern.
And this only deepens as she speaks a hint of what she endured. He lifts a hand up and covers hers. There had been a shadowy figure in the heart of his trauma, ready and waiting to turn more victims into the gibbering horde of 'chimera' that would swarm Vincent and force him to expose the monstrous side. But whether one or many labcoats, Vincent can empathize with this particular anguish. Just as so many of them could. Cloud and Nanaki and... likely even Sephiroth. ]
I won't say something stupid. Like you had nothing to do with the death of those people. Cry for them. Remember them.
[ It is true that a host of other factors were the true cause, like Sephiroth's efforts to block Holy until the very last moment or even the cursed memories that came with the Lifestream, again through that madman's actions having far more to do with so many people losing their lives. That won't change the simple fact that a lot of people lost their lives in general through the course of action every one of them took. Aerith's summoning of Holy included.
That is the real wages of saving the world. The burden of all that. ]
But never forget the lives you saved as well. There's a lot of people living because of what you did. A lot of people... found the will to live and survive. Because you summoned Holy.
no subject
Date: 2024-09-04 11:31 pm (UTC)Aerith was completely wild shy about declaring what she was. Some days, she wasn't even sure what it meant, being a cetra in this ship.]
He's a former Inmate Vincent. He experimented on people before. Hilbert isn't even his only name. He's a doctor but also a scientist.
But...I'm willing to give him a chance. Showing him- that was also a test.
[A fairly high risk one but one nonetheless. She gave his hand a gentle squeeze, even as she offered a gentle shuddery sigh.]
I'll try. I'll try to remember.
[Cloud was alive because of Holy. So was Vincent. Tifa, Yuffie and Nanaki...all life would be gone if Holy had not been unleashed.]
no subject
Date: 2024-09-06 02:50 am (UTC)Vincent may be able to deal with being in the infirmary. But that doesn't mean he is completely immune from... memories. But there is more to it than that. A rise of guilt over information he had missed. ]
Hm. Looks like I'll have to look more carefully at the infirmary staff. How did he react?
[ Yeah, soon after this Hilbert will announce his departure from the Barge. But now Vincent has reason to look a little harder and deeper at the others who have accepted a role in the medical sector.
He didn't mean to sound indifferent, yet his words seemed to come out almost so. And as if in belated realization, his eyes shift away again, letting him face forward. ]
...Sorry.
[ There'll be time to answer the question though if Aerith chooses to; the apology seems to suggest if she doesn't want to she doesn't have to. But when they move on and speak of Holy, the gunman only nods. ]
That's all we can do. Try to remember.
[ We. Not just Aerith. The bad and the good. ]
no subject
Date: 2024-09-07 04:56 am (UTC)[She offered a gentle shrug.]
There weren't any of the liars tells. If I thought he was a serious threat to the infirmary, I would have told you as soon as we parted ways.
If I learn more, I'll tell you. Same with any of the other workers.
[They're friends after all, and she doesn't want Vincent in undue danger. Sure he can take care of himself, but he needs some time to do paperwork.
Thankfully with Hilbert leaving some issues are put aside. But there is still a lack of trust now thay she's instilled in Vincent. Or at least brought to the surface.
Pity, but at least it was in a harmless discovery, all things considered.
And she shook her head, giving his shoulder a gentle squeeze.]
It's okay. I get it.
And...we will. We could...if we wanted, make a memorial.
But...I'd rather make it a living thing if we do.
[Something in the chapel. Or the Greenhouse. Something to remember the living and those that were gone.]
no subject
Date: 2024-09-07 08:54 am (UTC)[ The good or bad. The new, the unknown, the search for answers. Those are what drew them in. Vincent knew it well and not just because of three decades past; he'd grown up coming to terms with those traits for better or worse.
Aerith's assurance of passing the word is given a brief nod. He trusts her evaluation of the encounter with Hilbert and that she could recognize the more dangerous signs just as well as he. And thus he is left with little excuse to avoid more paperwork.
Sigh. ]
Mm.
[ Forgiveness acknowledged. But the shoulder is still covered by his own hand and he seems surprised to realize it was still there when she offered the reassuring squeeze. Once she releases again, he'll slowly withdraw his hand... well, kind of slowly. It is a bit abrupt and almost awkward, along with a brief stint of staring at it before letting it drop to his lap. ]
...Sure.
[ It's not at all a bad idea. And Vincent's agreement is not about the memorial as it is about the we Aerith put forward. ]
Something living. [ There is a second where his head tilts a little to regard the succulent she had helped pick out for him. Just sitting there, living its best life near the curtained window. During the day he must open it a crack to make sure it gets adequate sun. Or what passes for sun coming through those panes. Anyway, a living memorial. It really was far superior to have, wasn't it? ]
...I suppose it wouldn't hurt to ask the others.
[ What sort of living thing would work best for the memorial of their world? Though that does leave a troubling complication. Vincent does not yet speak it, but surely by 'the others' there would possibly be one exception.
In the form of the individual who sought the world's end. ]
no subject
Date: 2024-09-08 07:45 am (UTC)[She agrees with him but there was a bit of driness. Ah yes- she knows how far a scientist would go. And she was one of the lucky ones, all things considered. And she knows it. The proof of how nasty a scientist could be without morals is sitting right in front of her, hair tumbling over his shoulders. Which says nothing about the SOLIDERs that also come from their world. It may have helped too that she grew up around Turks. She would know some of the things that he would look for.
So no paperwork avoidance for him.
Or avoiding contact. Some of which he is still getting used to, after thirty years without. But at least Aerith was very gentle about it, not letting him get overwhelmed by the contact- gentle as it was. ]
We can include him, if he wants to join in.
[He did seem to be at least neutral about...doing some things. Well. Sort of. The memorial would be something...and she thought that it might be good for Sephiroth if he did have something in his room other than a big ol' graffiti on the wall. The cat was good.]
I won't force it. But...we've gotten off topic.
[She sees what you did Vincent. And she's now more worried about you then before. No need to divert and change the subject if things were okay.]
no subject
Date: 2024-09-08 07:33 pm (UTC)Cloud and Aerith, everyone else, they'd wormed their way in by giving him space and the occasional pushes here and there. And presenting him with opportunities to learn the lesson he imparted to Reeve when the WRO fell to Deepground forces.
But they were his friends and still an exception because they had accepted what he could give. Even Yuffie, who realized that moment when he was the first to leave after Sephiroth's defeat, had understood she'd no right to stop him from doing so. Well, he was thankful for that too even if she probably wouldn't get him to admit it easily. ]
Mm.
[ Yeah, Vincent will not really express a strong opinion about including Sephiroth. He feels he's the least deserving to make a choice like that. And if Aerith of all people are suggesting to make a tentative offer... ]
Don't force yourself either.
[ Forcing Sephiroth was the farthest issue from his mind. Which Aerith is attempting to drag slowly back to what this all started out being. That which was not meant to be a venue to let Aerith speak of what occurred in those rusted halls and in the Fog. ]
Hrmph. Don't know about that.
[ Not off-topic per se Aerith. Just off-focus of the one the topic was targeted upon. And where was that? There's a pause before Vincent sighs. ]
I can deal with strangers knowing about my other form. I suppose you could say I'm annoyed at the circumstances.
[ Dry. Yes, being forced to reveal the beastial metamorphosis while people were already in trauma from living theirs and others' horrors. ]
But that's what the place was designed to do. Make someone uncomfortable whatever decision they made. If I didn't stay in that area, people could have been dragged away. Turned into monsters like... [ me. but also more specifically... ] Well, Cloud told you what Sephiroth found in Mt. Nibel's reactors.
[ Getting Vincent to talk does keep him still; at least it distracts him from the contact needed for Aerith to tend his hair. And that will let her read the tension that doesn't quite... fade. ]
The nightmares will be stronger for a while. But, they never really stopped. Not in three decades.
[ It's just that now, he actually stays awake for the hours of a normal person so he gets... breaks from them. ]
no subject
Date: 2024-09-08 11:21 pm (UTC)And too, thirty years away from people wasn't something that could or would be forgotten.
As for the memorial...well.]
I won't. I won't push him either.
[She doubted he'd want to join in, but maybe she'd be surprised. She'd like that kind of surprise. Much better then the monsters coming out.
Like the chimera. Like Vincent's other form.]
Let's just hope people don't hassle you too much. They might not realize it was you. I saw a lot of...strange monsters.
[A creature rejected by God. A bleeding man. Lab coats. A saint of flames.
At least here she can gently tend to Vincent's hair, and see how smooth she can make it.
But the nightmares...]
You know...you're not the only one who can take on nightmare duty.
[He looked out for her. Strained himself for her with healing duty. It's the least she could offer.]
no subject
Date: 2024-09-09 02:19 am (UTC)There might also be something spooky going on, who knows. But really, regular access to a shower has done some wonders. ]
Mm. If people ask. [ Recognize the connection between the two and try to circumvent coming to Vincent directly. ] You can tell them it's true.
[ He trusts that Aerith won't go into much detail and direct such people to ask him directly if they want to know more. Vincent does understand there could be a few people that would be hesitant to approach him without knowing what his reaction would be. This is understandable. ]
I...
[ Vincent grows very still until he's almost a statue. Only the tips of his fingers twitch and it seems he held a breath for there follows a slow exhale to draw in another. Remember to breathe.
He's uncomfortable. So much so there are visible signs of distress that soon follow, where his head shifts to the left, having all but forgotten the tending of his hair. It's far from the notion that he doesn't trust Aerith; to break a hold on his emotions so readily indeed suggests how relaxed he is in her company.
The discomfort comes from the thought of someone seeing him in such a vulnerable state. He could easily forget that there were many who might have in the three decades of near hibernation. He all but lived in a world of repeating nightmares then and it was a reality all its own. But here on the Barge he just sleeps. ]
That's...
[ He wants to use some practical reason. Long nightmares means to wake him every time he has them would be the same as getting no sleep at all. But it would be an excuse to keep her from seeing that and he knows it. ]
no subject
Date: 2024-09-10 01:22 am (UTC)I will if they ask. I don't know if there's many people who connect us knowing each other. Not yet.
[Not that she had hidden it. But they are very different people. And it wouldn't surprise her if people thought Gaia and tragedy did not connect all of their group. But it is good to know Vincent trusts her not to spill everything.
But then, Aerith has always kept secrets well. And Vincent was...Vincent.
And this was Vincent too. An uncomfortable Vincent, but one nonetheless.]
I can't give you a cloak to sleep under. But I can ask Cloud for us to trade off for duty, if you allow us.
[She considers. Thinks on it.]
And I'll be there. If you want, I can hold your hand.
Or...you can hold Holy. If you think it'll help.
no subject
Date: 2024-09-10 03:55 am (UTC)And maybe he'll get lucky and not have too many questions to answer even if they did bother Aerith first. Wouldn't that be something? ]
No, it's... [ an inhale, a sigh. ] You don't have to do this.
[ That's avoidance, Vincent. He turns his head to one side again, hope she wasn't trying to do anything with the comb at that time. Because watch as the sharp gesture pushes the long bangs forward to flow down the sides of his face. ]
I'm not... hrrrm.
[ And words are hard. But he's remembering it's also true that there were times he'd doze off in the company of the others he'd come to know as friends. As trust formed and some of his tension eased. Would he find his own room in town? Yeah but that also wasn't always possible. Not was it always a good idea to stray too far. If he said he wasn't comfortable with people being around while he was sleeping, it'd be obviously a lie. ]
Cloud, huh? [ It's muttered as a grumble. ] Trying to make this a slumber party?
[ Who else are you going to invite? Zack? Angeal? ]
no subject
Date: 2024-09-10 07:07 pm (UTC)I know. But I want to.
[It's a gentle nudge, and she moves with ease on brushing out his hair, letting it flow over her fingers.]
And only Cloud. You don't know or trust Angeal or Zack yet right?
Then you wouldn't be able to settle down.
no subject
Date: 2024-09-11 04:50 am (UTC)[ Vincent has a favorable impression of Angeal, but it's true he's not to the level of trust that would make him comfortable with the trained SOLDIER in proximity. And Zack... well, he has only had a brief meeting with the young man and stories to go by. Which would be enough for him to allow Zack to come over and keep Aerith company if for some reason she needed his presence, but...
Yeah. Trust. He won't deny it. ]
All right.
[ It's clear he's still reluctant. He braced against the nudge, he's still stiff with tension, but... what's the harm in trying? Worse comes to worse, he can always state it isn't working. And his friends will listen to him. ]
...Done with my hair yet?
[ He probably doesn't mean to sound impatient. It's more that he's forgetting his words as he reaches his limits. ]
no subject
Date: 2024-09-11 07:37 pm (UTC)So she'll forgive him. Eventually.
And Zack was her partner, but that didn't give him a pass for the former Turk.]
Almost done.
[She sounded amused. His impatience made him sound younger then he truly was.]
And this doesn't have to be right away. I still have to talk to Cloud about it. See how he feels.
[He's free of them comforting him.
For now.]
no subject
Date: 2024-09-11 08:33 pm (UTC)...Oh.
[ That.... probably wasn't missed even if he said it quietly and is otherwise silent. Yeah. He had been bracing himself for everything all at once. ]
no subject
Date: 2024-09-11 11:47 pm (UTC)[And do whatever she wants...most days.]
But I know you need time. Nothing tonight. I won't bring it up for a few days, actually.
Once your hair is done, I'll go.
no subject
Date: 2024-09-12 12:23 am (UTC)[ It's just a bit louder than the 'oh'. But sincerity colors his tone underneath the overall sense of relief that he can't help but feel.
Vincent settles in patiently to let Aerith finish. It may be borderline endures but both of them are probably aware of that. Near the end, it becomes clear that the former Turk had been using the time to reflect. Should this really help lessen the nightmares... ]
I don't need long. Not tonight or tomorrow. But after that.
[ So perhaps it'll be best to reach out to Cloud sooner than later. ]
no subject
Date: 2024-09-12 12:28 am (UTC)But maybe the exhaustion will deaden his dreams if she's so lucky.]
Okay. Couple of days then.
[Gently, she sets the brush down onto the table in front of him. No styling. She pushed enough for tonight.]
Thanks for indulging me.
(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From: